you didn't know all the ways i loved you
9:53 a.m. - 2003-08-02

I don't feel any better this morning.. He didn't call me last night.. and im heart broken. Things are canging and theres nothng i can do about them.. Nicka called me last night.. god.. i miss him.. I miss how he can make me laugh with just one look. I miss him telling me that it'll be alright and just take some time and let him have his.. I told him last night about he just laughed and went woah.. he said things were getting crazy with out him.. and i agreed.. what the hell do i do? I mean.. He's always have been giving mixed signals but i just don't know what to do anymore..

Joey called me and wants to start talking to me again.. i think its because he wants to show me how far hes gotten in life with out me.. show me how i brought him down.. Its just sad.. i mean he knows that i still have feelings.. why shove it all back in my face when im just finally getting over him? I have no idea anymore about anything.. I just learned that my friend richard died last friday.. You know its sad.. god.. i don't even wanna know what my senior year with out him is gonna be like.. Well it figures.. we start talking always leads to fighting.. Well what do you expect me to do? he says his lfe is soo great now.. and whatit wasn't great when someone had loved you unconditionaly..when i would bend over backwards for you in a second just because you asked me too.. I lost my best friend because of you joey.. so fuck you! god.. you aren't even fucking great in sex.. mister 2 min man.. you know what i sholdn't be saying this.. Im saying this because im mad.. but i don't care.. i need to let of some steam.. oh fuck.. now im late for work..

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