intoxiated, the edges serrated
11:45 p.m. - 2003-08-09

its been forever since ive written in this.. i feel like. ive been wasting away my life for the past 17 years.. im tired.. im tired of chasing after the ones ill never get.. im tired of tring with people that will get me nowhere.. and miss justing alex alfredo kevin jose holly diana and josh.. i miss amanda and denala i miss randy and richard.. i miss.. beer.. i miss.. i dunno.. my life.. when i was happy.. i was talking to this guy tonight.. and he was like.. thats 5 too many.. i mean just wow.. i really wantto think that way.. you know? when all i think about is having some fun.. jason called m an ugly bitch and kory didn't talk to me.. and heather said she was glad i wasn't coming.. i mean.. these are the people i call my friends.. me the homie hopper.. just fucking great.. im chaining my legs together.. and hopefully.. they'll stay locked til someone hands me the ring.. and i mean.. that can be used in many ways..i can totally.. i dunno.. thats really vague..you know? and it pisses me off cause i set myself up for drama.. omg.. what i wouldn't give for a beer right now.. well i guess.. i shouldn't say that.. cause theres alot of thing i wouldn't give.. but.. man.. i need to find myself.. a good..nice.. gentleman who doesn't just want in my pants.. i really wan that guy to call you know? cause i would feel so stupid runnig after him.. i mean.. me acting like that will only get me hurt.. but you know? i had to push some to get what i wanted with joey.. and i don't regret a single thing ith him.. i don't.. i think the only ting i could regret is not regreting something you know? i feel like i should regret something.. but ive learned to never put something into writing..like my future you know? cause once i put my future of me and joey into writing.. it all went down hill.. when i put kory into writng.. somethign went wrong.. i just really wish i could think faster then i act... i realized that im really selfish too. i only think about me.. and you know... i dn't even know so how could you know? i miss everyone.. i miss the fn nights we used t have.. and i don't just mean with alex and everyone i mean with sarah and andrea.. seems like all we ever do is fight now.. and thats not normal.. i dunno.. im probably babling rght now.. im way to tired to care..

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