you think the light won't be ever lit
2:56 p.m. - 2003-09-19

well well.. hey guys.. long time eh? it seems like a forever.. i don't know whats going on anymore. its like im living in this.. dull autopilot world where nothing seems bright.. just breathe in breathe out blink and start all over.. its not that im hurting or whatever.. just seem... like blah? i kissed him last night.. and it seemed like every nerve in my body was on fire.. craving more craving more of him.. the way he run his hands through my hair the way we would go fast then go slow.. the way i forgot for about 30 seconds.. i want that again.. wow.. i sound like a damn romance novel.. lol.. i think thats the only time that it seemed like a bright world.. full of wonderful colors.. i haven't had a cigrette all day and im dieing.. i never realized how addicted i am.. i really miss kory tho ive been missing him for a long time you all know that.homecoming is coming up.. and im soooo excited... im gonna have a vlast going with people i haven't hung out with in like forever.. i looked like crap today just a plain white t shirt and some crappy jeans with my hair pulled up.. i dunno i don't really care anymore.. so i met this new guy.. and no thats not who it was.. his name is patrick hes really cute and such a dork.. and he called me the next day he got my number.. hes out of town at the moment.. in reno getting drunk and having a blast he said we'll go out when he gets home.. and i dunno the only think im worring about is that.. we'll say "jake" might want more then what im offering.. because i want to date other guys i want to lkiss other guys.. but it felt good.. it felt realy good to be in his arms.. with his hands on my face.. his hands everywhere.. but.. i don't want to.. get into a serious relationship with him.. to much at stake.. and i don't want to go down to her level..

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