fuck em..fuck em all
11:03 p.m. - 2003-11-04

im soo tired...of everything.. of being depressed.. of being not wanted.. of not being.. i dunno.. i guess loved? i mean.. i ve never felt more pressured to work harder.. im tired.. let me have a fucking break.. it just pisses me off that my parents got cut some slack.. well why don't i? i've worked so fucking hard this summer and these few months.. im tired of struggling.. im tired.. im just tired and ready to give up.. i swear can't i just curl up and not wake up till its all better.. i feel like im such a bad person when they do this.. when they tell me im not working hard enough that i don't care.. i fucking care.. i hate that they make me cry.. i hate.. not being able to really smile and laugh..only few and far between can make me do that.. today it was alex and ryan , alex's friend, i was talking to on the computer..i feel empty and i want my best friend back.. i want him back.. and i dunno.. i need to laugh and i need to cry.. for all the losses ive had this month.. patrick.. i never really grieved for what little relationship we did have.. but i just..i need someone to make me feel special.. that i matter in their life.. that im doing good enough.. that im alright.. that i will be alright.. im so scared for this year.. im a senior and i have a very strong feeling that once i turn 18 im kicked out.. that.. they no longer have to take care of me.. so i dunno.. i think im scared.. im scared that im not gonna get into college that im not gonna make a difference in this world that.. my life will be cut shorter like everyone elses around me.. i mean this is crazy.. 3 people that i knew have died in the past year.. 3! i mean.. were so young.. they were so young.. and they had there whole lives in front of them.. and they didn't get to live it all out completly.. it just.. makes me even more depressed.. that with all the stupid mistakes i make im gonna be the next.. im gonna fuck up this year.. i know it.. either be it.. skipping class too much.. or having to much sex.. or driving way too fast when im completly drunk.. im gonna fuck it up somehow.. and i don't know if i care anymore.. no one else around me cares.. so why should i? everyone else around has given up on me.. shouldn't i too.. come on asdhley lets join the fucking god damn bandwagon.. im tired.. and upset.. and i just don't care anymore.. i don't

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