...i used to be soo strong...
11:29 p.m. - 2005-10-08

i neveer thought it could hurt this bad.. hes been gone for like.. 3 hours but it feels like 3 years.. i can't believe.. we fell apart.. i had always believed that we would be together forever.. that he would be the man i married.. the man that would raise our kids.. the man.. who would love me forever.. i was completly wrong.. and you know what kills me.. that in the end.. it was all my fault.. i can't picture life without him.. i can't imagine not waking up to him everyday.. i can't imagine not having his kisses.. i destroy everything perfect in my life.. every man that i fall in love with.. always leaves me.. why did things have to end.. i honestly thought that this was just another test of our love.. i would've been fine if he left me yesturday.. but he had to come back.. for a third time and tell me everything that i wanted to hear.. and not even 24 hours.. tell me it was a complete lie.. thats what hurt me the most.. that he would jerk me around and destroy me time after time again.. break my heart into a million pieces... i should've known last night when he came home that it was all just because he was drunk.. i knew it.. but i didn't want to believe it.. i think that why it hurts sooo bad right now..

hes coming tomorrow to get all his things.. and he told me he doesn't want me to be here..

im soo devasted.. my heart will never be the same.. i will never be the same

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